You swore it would never happen again. You were going to get a handle on this. After all, you are successful in other areas of your life. It doesn’t make any logical sense. Yet here you are. Eating things you promised never to eat again. Eating until you are uncomfortable, maybe even sick.
The first bite feels so good. It is such a release to give in until it isn’t. Soon the familiar feelings of being out of control, shame, and disgust creep to the surface. This is it. This is the last time. You’ll do better tomorrow. You will put in extra time at the gym and eat salad for the next week. It will never happen again. Yet you cannot shake the question: what is wrong with me?
This can be an all too familiar cycle for many. It also seems to escalate during the holidays.
What is binge eating or a binge?
There are levels of severity when we are talking about binge eating that brings nuance to this topic. However, regardless of where you land on that spectrum, you deserve to get support and help in order to bring peace back to your relationship with your food and body.
Binge: eating a large quantity of food in a short amount of time and feeling a loss of control followed by feelings of shame and distress (1,2).
Binge Eating Disorder (BED): “a severe, life-threatening, and treatable eating disorder characterized by recurrent episodes of eating large quantities of food (often very quickly and to the point of discomfort); a feeling of a loss of control during the binge; experiencing shame, distress or guilt afterward; and not regularly using unhealthy compensatory measures (e.g., purging) to counter the binge eating (1).” BED is typically associated with at least 1 binge episode per week for 3 months (1).
Whether you have a fully developed eating disorder or are experiencing disordered eating, periods of bingeing feel isolating and often terrifying.
What’s wrong with me?
If this is a question that you have been asking yourself, keep reading. First of all, due to the nature of disordered eating, we often feel very alone and like we are the only person on the planet who behaves like this with food. You aren’t!
Many people struggle with feeling out of control around food to some degree or another. I taught a class a few years back with Lyndy Barnard, LCSW. The topic was women and shame. In our course, it became clear that feeling shame about food had been experienced by every member of the group.
How do I stop bingeing?
First, if you have a diagnosed eating disorder it is critical that you work with a healthcare team trained in BED. Your team should include a therapist, doctor, and certified nutritionist/dietician. Eating disorders are complex mental health conditions. Please seek help.
Our relationships with food can be complex and involve many surprising twists and turns. While there are commonalities that we see amongst many who binge, every individual is unique. The reason you started using food as a coping mechanism may be different from your neighbor.
Therefore, it is always important to seek out the help of a qualified professional if you are struggling. The tips below may help some, but if they aren’t helpful for you, that doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you. One-size-fits-all approaches do not actually fit all. Your path to peace with food will be unique to you.
It’s about trust:
Something that I see often is the struggle between control and loss of control. What I have learned is that control and loss of control seem like the answer and problem respectively, but they are actually different sides of the same coin. It isn’t about self-control or the lack thereof.
It’s about trust. Trusting your body to tell you when it is hungry and when it is full. Trust that your body will give you signals when something isn’t sitting well. Trust that your body is good and not the enemy.
In addition, your body needs to trust you. Your body needs to trust that you will provide sufficient nourishment and that it will come regularly throughout the day. Body trust goes both ways.
Getting from any pattern of disordered eating to being able to ally with one’s body is part of the journey. It is hard work and takes practice. But it is well worth it in the end.
Tips to Attain Body Trust:
Eat regular meals.
If you have read more than one blog post here you may feel like I’m a broken record, but hear me out.
Let’s say it is the day after a binge. You are still feeling gross from the night before and may feel the need to make up for the night before. So you decide you’ve had enough food recently and you go without breakfast. As the day goes on you are busy and you didn’t plan ahead, and thoughts like “do I really need to eat again” are rolling through your mind. So you skip lunch as well.
By the end of the day you are not just hungry, you are hangry. You eat more than you had intended and you feel awful all over again.
The trouble is, your body doesn’t know why there is suddenly a famine again. Your body has already processed the calories and nutrients from the night before. As the day progresses with no food the cells in your body start to panic. After all, they are starving or so they think. They signal to your brain that they must have food. Now!
When you finally get some food your rational brain isn’t in control anymore, your body is. You grab whatever is fast, easy, and will pick you up quickly. Your biology has usurped your best intentions and willpower.
If you are eating throughout the day, on the other hand, your cells feel safe. They function properly and your brain remains fully operational. Will you still want treats? Absolutely, but you will be able to make the best choice for your body and mind.
Give yourself full food freedom.
Have you ever been told you can’t have something you want? How did that feel? Did you immediately forget about it and move on? Did it feel good to have someone take away your choices?
Likely the answer is no. Now think about the last time you binged and swore it would never happen again. Did you also swear never to eat X, Y, or Z? If you have ever tried to cut out a food group you may notice yourself obsessing over it. You think of it constantly and can’t get it out of your mind. That isn’t a personal shortcoming, that is human nature.
When we swear off a food item or group and then “rebel” against that commitment and give in we typically eat more than we had wanted to. It leads to a whole spiral that typically ends in us feeling defeated and even addicted to foods.
The antidote is giving in to full food freedom. This seems counter-intuitive to many of my clients. But remember, the issue isn’t control, the issue is trust. A magical thing happens when we stop trying to rigidly control our food, we find that we get bored of the food. We can take it or leave it. This is called “habituation” (3).
Slow down and listen.
When you are rushing around, eating on the go, or ignoring your body it is very difficult to feel the subtle signals your body is trying to tell you. Most of us know what it feels like to be a 1,2, or 3 on the hunger scale. Your body is speaking loud enough that you struggle to ignore it.
On the flip side, most of us know what 9 and 10 feel like on the hunger/fullness scale. We know what it feels like to have eaten more than feels comfortable. However, eating from one extreme end of the scale to the other sets us up for spiraling.
Rather, if we can slow down when eating, turn off distractions, and listen to our body we can feel the subtle messages. Now, this doesn’t mean always. Eating on the go can sometimes be inevitable. However, prioritizing meals and being in tune with your body a lot of the time will make it easier to pick up on those cues.
A word on weight stigma
Unfortunately, people in larger bodies are often assumed to have a bingeing problem. If you are in a larger body you may have been met with contempt by people who make assumptions about your lifestyle based solely on your size. This is unethical and stigmatizing.
What makes this even more tragic is that it often happens in healthcare settings. That is a whole post on its own, but suffice it to say, if you have felt dismissed by a healthcare professional based on your size you are not alone, and that is inexcusable behavior.
If you are in a larger body and you struggle with your relationship with food please know that you deserve help. Eating disorders happen in all shapes and sizes. Additionally, you may have BED or you may have something else. The restriction is traumatizing to the body and mind no matter your size.
Sadly, when it comes to food, what we treat in smaller bodies we reinforce in larger bodies. You do not have to wait until you hit a certain number on the scale before you can seek help for your relationship with your body and food. You are sick enough now to get help.
To Sum Up
You are not a defective person if you struggle with bingeing. You can make peace with food and learn to be an ally with your body when it comes to meal times.
For some people following the tips above will be enough to calm the storm. Others will require more help. There is no shame in asking for help. You deserve to nourish your body in a way that feels good and peaceful.
This post is not meant to treat or diagnose anyone. It is meant to educate. If you relate please seek the help of qualified professionals. If you need help finding those professionals sign up for a free consultation and we will help you get started.
Resources:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/learn/by-eating-disorder/bed
https://www.niddk.nih.gov/health-information/weight-management/binge-eating-disorder/definition-facts
Epstein LH, Temple JL, Roemmich JN, Bouton ME. Habituation as a determinant of human food intake. Psychol Rev. 2009 Apr;116(2):384-407. doi: 10.1037/a0015074. PMID: 19348547; PMCID: PMC2703585
